Do you think depression causes people to have affairs?

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Today, 01:37 PM	? #3 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Alberta Posts: 4,079	No, depression does not cause people to cheat. When someone is in a ****ty marriage, or has depression, or whatever else is wrong in their life, they make choices, just like we all do. Cheating is a choice. The fact that someone chooses to cheat is a result of selfishness, when you get right down to it. They feel entitled, they feel they 'deserve' it somehow. They can rationalize to themselves that something 'caused' it, but by doing so they are failing to take responsibility for it, and failing to admit they have a problem that needs fixing. My husband is a sex addict. But that did not cause him to cheat. HE caused him to cheat. The fact he is a sex addict determined HOW he cheated, but not THAT he cheated. He is also in recovery, which means he is still a sex addict but is no longer cheating. He is taking responsibility for what he did and taking steps to ensure it never happens again.
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Today, 02:14 PM	? #8 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: The Most DANGEROUS City in America! Posts: 1,878	I'm not a shrink and I've never dealt with depression (either in myself or a family member). Logically, though, it would seem extremely unlikely as Kathy pointed out: Quote: Originally posted by KathyBatesel: A person who is clinically depressed is unlikely to have the motivation, energy, or interest to pursue cheating. If you're involved in an affair, you have to spif yourself up! No-one is going to have an affair with an unwashed, unshaven, unkempt, joyless person! It doesn't make sense. Fear is a much more LIKELY motivator for an affair. Fear of dying, of not achieving goals, of not being recognized, of not mattering, of not getting what WE think we deserve, of 'missing out', etc. This seems a MUCH MORE LIKELY scenario. 'I will have lived, had children, built my business, died...and in 20-50 years it will all have meant NOTHING. Why did I bother?' As previously pointed out, a sense of entitlement is ALSO found in large measure in cheaters (especially serial cheaters).
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Today, 02:17 PM	? #9 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Somewhere Out There Posts: 1,999	Quote: I think depression is independent of cheating. A person who is clinically depressed is unlikely to have the motivation, energy, or interest to pursue cheating. But if they perceive an opportunity and feel it can ease their symptoms, though, they might seize the chance. I agree with what I have emboldened. I think it takes someone outside of the marriage to come along and "help" the depressed person, thereby affording the opportunity to cheat. Then it is a decision based on lots of things including, but not limited to boundaries, etc. I don't believe a truly depressed person would even feel good enough to be sexually attracted to anyone because they don't believe themselves to be attractive. They would only have sex in a relationship out of pure physical need. This is depression, not feeling poorly. __________________ "anything I did better today than I did yesterday is progress" - Saki
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Today, 02:21 PM	? #10 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Somewhere Out There Posts: 1,999	Quote: I'm not a shrink and I've never dealt with depression (either in myself or a family member). Logically, though, it would seem extremely unlikely as Kathy pointed out: If you're involved in an affair, you have to spif yourself up! No-one is going to have an affair with an unwashed, unshaven, unkempt, joyless person! It doesn't make sense. Fear is a much more LIKELY motivator for an affair. Fear of dying, of not achieving goals, of not being recognized, of not mattering, of not getting what WE think we deserve, of 'missing out', etc. This seems a MUCH MORE LIKELY scenario. 'I will have lived, had children, built my business, died...and in 20-50 years it will all have meant NOTHING. Why did I bother?' As previously pointed out, a sense of entitlement is ALSO found in large measure in cheaters (especially serial cheaters). Not meaning to be rude. Thought this was entitlement? __________________ "anything I did better today than I did yesterday is progress" - Saki
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Today, 02:40 PM	? #15 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Texas Posts: 488	Quote: I'm dealing with depression, and the truth is, I feel the same as GTdad, I don't have the slightest inclination to cheat, right now, I don't even want anything to do with the lower half of my body, much less have someone else see/touch/whatever with it. I'm sure people deal with depression in their own way, but as far as myself, I have gotten to the point where I feel that the physical aspect of my life is over... I waited alot longer than I should have to get help, because I had long bought into ideas about "shrinks" and "hanging tough" and "just getting over it". I hope you're smarted than me, and have sought out some assistance. There's no shame at all in getting help.
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